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“When anal sex was introduced to me as a college student, I was like: ‘It’s not going to happen.’ People would say, ‘What’s wrong with you? Are you a virgin?’ I felt totally disenfranchised. “I’ve been having these feelings since I was 10,” he said. It didn’t make sense to them.”īut it made plenty of sense to people like Kort. People would get disturbed once they knew I wasn’t into penetration. Over that time, he said, the reaction within the community had “been dreadful. I’ve been calling myself that for 50 years.”
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“There’s such relief.”Īs fresh as the public conversation may be, Butch Peaston, 69, of Albany, New York, said: “Sides have always been here. “In the comments, people would say: ‘Finally, there’s a name for what I am,’” he said. Reaction to Henry’s video has been swift and encouraging. “It’s something people had begun talking about but that not a lot of gay people know about,” he said.ĭr Joe Kort: ‘The more we say the word and the more people talk about it, the more it will be out there.’ Photograph: Courtesy Dr Joe Kort Henry said he was inspired to create the piece after hearing some younger men use the term in gay bars in the last year. “When it comes to sex, I do everything but butt.” One friend quizzically asks: “What are you doing with these men? Shaking hands?” After the guy outs himself as a side, Henry asks: “You mean like a potato?” In the video, a young guy tells some friends that he’s been “seeing an array of men but not topping or bottoming”. At the same time, the LA-based gay comedian Michael Henry has created a hilarious, but sympathetic, mock-tutorial on sides that has earned more than 224,000 YouTube views in the last few weeks, making it one of his most viewed clips. In another breakthrough, Wikipedia recently added a “sides” definition to its “terminology of homosexuality” entry. Other men have been fashioning their own informational videos on TikTok, including the model Barrett Pall, who has 1.4 million followers on the site. Kort said most of the men had found their way to the group via the TikTok videos he has created to spread the word. Posts by sides young and old come from around the world. In the last eight months, however, membership has doubled to reach 5,000. Things began slowly for the group, with members first joining by the tens, and then by the hundreds. I’ve been calling myself that for 50 years “I wanted to help people get rid of the loneliness and the shame.” Sides have always been here. “I wanted to create a community,” he said. Eighteen months ago, Dr Kort made a private Facebook group page called Side Guys to give the men a forum for acceptance and, perhaps, to start a movement. The term side was coined in 2013 by the sex therapist and author Dr Joe Kort, but only in the last year has it gained glimmers of acknowledgment in the wider gay world.
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“You’re made to feel like you’re less than a full gay person.” “A lot of people feel stigmatized,” said Lucien Samaha, 64, of New York City, who identifies as a side. Many sides say they’re subjected to widespread rejection and misunderstanding in the gay community, whose members often view them as immature, lazy or even asexual.